We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of
childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who
have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our
adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were
saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already
have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
(Romans 8:22-25)
WARNING: The
following contains completely honest reflections on Hope from a Methodist pastor…
Hope. It’s an important word in our
daily lives. It’s an important word in our Christian faith. It’s been an
important word to me over the last few weeks. My mom had been in the hospital
for three weeks, and over a week ago she went into hospice care. She didn’t
want any more tests, no more procedures, no more blood transfusions. She was
tired from years of battling physical issues. She was a fighter, for sure, but
she was tired.
“It’s
like putting new oil into an old cylinder,” she told me, “I just want to go
home”.
Of
course by “home” she meant heaven. The one true and real home that we are all
created for. Billy Graham said that we aren’t citizens of this world, we are
just passing through. Mom was prepared for her real home.
And I
had hope. Hope that God would take his faithful daughter soon. Hope that God
would comfort our family in this loss. Hope that promises of God’s presence
would be recognized and felt.
And so
we waited. Day after day, night after night. As she grew weaker, and more
tired, then as she was non-responsive most days and as the morphine increased.
And I
had hope.
During
this time I was with five other families who lost loved ones. Most were quick
deaths, unexpected, even. I sat with families that wondered why their
brother/mother/aunt was taken in death, while I was wondering why my mother
wasn’t.
These
families didn’t want death to come, and yet I prayed for death to mercifully
come quickly every day and it didn’t. My mom wanted to see Jesus, and yet Jesus
was seeing plenty of other people every day, but not my mom.
Why is
that, God?
Nothing
that I was hoping for was happening.
And then 11 later days it did.
While my
wife, Heather, who has been my rock and my best friend during this entire
process, and my sister, stood around my mom’s bed she had a moment of direct
and focused eye contact with me. I could see her love, and then she blinked…and
she was gone.
What I
had prayed for had happened. And in the midst of the pain, in the middle of the
loss and beginning of grief, there was that Hope again.
It had never left.
I
had pushed it away a little, I think, but it was still there. A Hope that had
redeemed her body and given her a new life. A Hope that saved her, and saved
me. A Hope that “we wait for it with patience”.
And
that’s where I hadn’t been doing a good job. Oh, I am pretty good in reminding
others the need to wait for the perfect timing of God, but when it came to my
mom and her daily slow process of actively dying, I wasn’t patient. I wanted
God to act, and act now. And He didn’t.
And I am
thankful for that.
I am thankful that we were right there with mom when her
last breath was breathed here on this earth and her spirit soared to eternity.
I am thankful for the Hope that my mom had in Jesus and in the fact that she is
in the presence of God right now. I am thankful for the Hope that I have, even
when I wasn’t paying attention to it, even when I was more focused on “my will”
than “Thy will”.
And this
Hope is here for you too this Advent season. After all, Advent is about
waiting. And none of us are good at it, maybe that’s why God gives us
opportunities to do the things that we aren’t very good at.
Hope is
available in Christ Jesus. And God knows we need it.
Merry Christmas mom!
Thank you for sharing this and Merry Christmas
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